Time to switch therapists?

The process of finding a “good” therapist often feels very hard.  Even if you know where to look, combing through hundreds of similarly vague profiles as you search for that one specific provider who will be a great fit for you can feel overwhelming.  Then comes figuring out availability, schedules, insurance, etc.

Therefore, when you find someone who checks all of these boxes and you develop a strong working relationship, why would you ever consider going through it all again?  After all, “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it”, right?

While this age-old adage is very true for some clients, others may make significant changes, if not break-throughs, by changing up their therapist periodically.  Here are several tips for knowing which option may be best for you.

Signs to stay

I often recommend that clients “treat your therapist like you treat your mechanic”.  Similar to an autobody mechanic, your “mental mechanic” is a skilled and trusted resource to keep your mental health strong and thriving through various challenges.  When you need a tune up, reach out, address the need, and head back out knowing you can schedule again as needed.

These kinds of healthy, productive working relationships often include some or all of the following features:

• You feel safe, understood and cared for in your sessions.

• Your therapist has training that is specific to your symptoms or diagnosis.

• Your therapist works in a way which feels inline with “my job is to lose my job” and doesn’t seem to keep you working them longer than is needed.

• You notice continued, albeit at times slow, growth over time and progress toward your goals.

• You may have been working continuously with your therapist for quite a while, but it’s because your goals or needs have changed over time and your therapist is still actively helping you address each new issue.

• You come in and out of therapy over time because you resolve an issue, are able to pause sessions, then pick back up to work through new challenges as they arise.  In each cycle, your therapist helps you successfully address or overcome your current area of focus.

• Your therapist demonstrates a willingness to grow alongside you, completing continuing education, orienting to new resources and/or talking about new books, trainings or courses they’re taking to stay current that relate to you.

Signs to switch

Various things can cause a client to want, or even need, a new therapist including negative experiences or ruptures, changes to insurance or location, etc.  However, it may be helpful to work with a new therapist even if you’re very comfortable with your current one and are enjoying your sessions.  Here’s what to look for:

• Your sessions feel like chats or “catching up” with a friend.  This is a sign that you may have gotten too comfortable with your therapist and no longer see them as a professional healthcare provider whose role it is to "lose their job".

• Similarly, you may enjoy talking to your therapist and even find that verbally processing what's going on in your life is helpful.  But, you notice that you’re not seeing a notable improvement in the core symptoms that caused you to reach out.  Instead, sessions just “feel nice”.

• You find yourself not wanting to disappoint your therapist and therefore don’t share important, difficult information with them.  Note: If this happens with every therapist then you may want to stay and work through this with your current one.  However, if your current therapist brings this out in you in a way others wouldn’t, then consider finding a new provider.

• Your therapist deeply cares about you but your needs/symptoms have gotten stuck, or have changed in a way their training and tools aren’t equipped to effectively treat.  You may need a different therapist who has similar but more advanced skills OR need a recommendation for a different therapy modality all together.

• You find yourself knowing what your therapist is going to say before they say it.  It feels like you’ve learned everything they have to teach you.  It’s time to work with someone who can offer you additional skills and insights.

• Your symptoms have escalated and you need a higher level of care (e.g., inpatient instead of outpatient).

• You’re leaving the state and your therapist is no longer legally allowed to work with you.

Deciding to switch providers or stop therapy all together can feel like a scary conversation.  You may be worried about hurting your therapist’s feelings, offending them, or in the worst cases that they’ll become upset with you.  But remember, you are in charge of your therapy journey. You have the right to get a second opinion, change providers, or stop therapy at any time if you so choose. *  Any ethical provider will value your feedback and be eager to help you grow using the resources that best serve YOU.

* This may not account for situations in which a client is at risk of harming themselves or others, is placed on a mandatory mental health hold, and another person or entity has legal rights over medical decisions.